I wanted to share with you my recent personal healing experience that was one of the most profound I had to date….and I’ve had many. My intention with this sharing is that it will inspire and empower you in your own healing, whatever that may be, that you are not alone and that our bodies hold much more wisdom than we give them credit for…
It started with what seemed like on the outside as a lower back/sacrum injury. However, nothing actually happened TO my back in the sense of it getting injured by some act or outside force. It came from the inside. It was an very old wound coming up for healing and release. I knew it because the moment my sacrum went into spasm causing me to loose wind of my breath and literally fall over. I saw the memory flash. I heard an younger voice of mine in my head that was harboring thoughts of “not being good enough” and repeating them all like a broken record. It was a deeper cry for love. It was an invitation to heal an experience in my life that apparently I was holding in the muscle memory around my sacrum.
Each part of our body is connected to some aspect of our selves or emotion. The lower back/sacrum relates to feeling safe, feeling supported. It relates to our foundation and that can include family, finances, work, and relationship. If any one of those is feeling threatened or unsafe, more often than not, the lower back will speak to that by becoming aggravated in some way or even injured.
For me, this “injury” related to family and taking on limited belief patterns that were projected onto me by a family member. I was too young then to understand what was actually happening, so being that the lack of support came from my family at the time, I bought into the limiting belief and lo and behold, that experience and belief pattern got lodged in the area of my low back and sacrum.
Since then I constantly struggled with low back pain and issues for many years. After finding yoga, I was determined to heal my lower back and after much diligent practice and dedication I did just that. Yet, despite all the healing and unwinding that happened on my mat along the way, I realized had only uncovered the layers that got piled over the very root of all that pain. Until finally, there were no more layers to be released and I was at the root. That’s was when my sacrum went into a state of frozen spasm. It was time.
I knew exactly what I needed to do. Stay Present. Don’t check out. Don’t sweep it under the rug because it would only come back again later or leave me debilitated and in pain for a long time. It was time to show up. And show up with Love. I saw it as a great opportunity to what I had been carrying around unconsciously for most of my life. So I got all the right treatments for the physical pain (acupuncture, network chiropractic, and natural anti-inflammatories- no drugs) and I also knew if I was going to heal this and truly have closure with it, I knew I needed to look at and face the emotional and mental “injury” as well.
I did two things for that: I received energy work (Body Talk Therapy) to help usher and release all that old energy. And then I fully allowed myself to sit with all that was coming up for me in my mind and heart knowing full well that those voices were old and not even mine. I meditated, sat in silence and allowed myself to feel. And I felt all sorts of things ranging from anger, sadness, fear, defeat, guilt, shame, you name it. I just sat and witnessed them all come up with curiosity and compassion. I opened myself and with no resistance became a vessel for all that energy to move up and out. The very essence of emotion is energy. And the nature of energy is to MOVE. I knew from all my past healing experiences, that if I resisted any of it, the result would be stagnation and I would get stuck in all of it. So I trusted, opened, BREATHED, blessed and released.
I choose to love the part of myself that was wounded. I allowed all the love and support that was coming in bucket loads from my friends and doctors to be received by the wounded part of myself that did not believe I was loved. And I healed.
My sacrum feels brand new. It feels different. Not anywhere near the same as what I was used to before all this happened. And I know that is because that energy that I had been holding in that part of my body is not longer there.
I am free. I am better than before. Reborn again. My life is open in a new way with new possibility. All because of what seemed like, on the outside, a low back injury. This is true healing.
Plain and simple, Yoga brings stuff up. It’s the stuff we’d rather not look at, deal with, judge, sweep under the rug, or what unconsciously hides out in mysterious places in our body temple’s muscles, tissues, cells, bones, wherever. You see, our Body Temples are incredibly intelligent as much as they are mysterious. They communicate with us ALL THE TIME. And our yoga is a purifying practice. Meaning, whatever is within us that stands in the way of us TRULY living in our fullest expression, will at some point surface to be acknowledged, blessed, released….and yet ultimately what it boils down to is TO BE LOVED.
Yoga teachers are not immune to this stuff. In fact, what makes a great yoga teacher is one who has gone down this road many times and again and again. The healer also needs to go through their own healing. I am who I am today because of all the work, trials and tribulations I have surpassed. And although sometimes difficult, heart-wrenching and painful, I am grateful for every one of them. And because I’ve been down this road so many times, I know the value of being present for this work and the fruits and FREEDOM that lay on the other side. Some day I will write a book.
Every pain and ache has a story to tell and wisdom for us to know. Each one holds the key to the next level of our healing and awakening. So another layer of healing I have had the immense gift of receiving. I know you don’t know my entire personal healing journey but I have gone through many many rites of passage with my body temple….clearing old wounds, past karmic stuff, refining my own relationship to what is now something I teach. Our bodies are our temples. They hold the sacred. And every moment we have and experience in them is sacred as in every moment there is something to learn.